"Mawaige is what bwings us together today." -Princess Bride

There’s a whole lot of love in the Abbey household. The beauty of my family is that I’ve learned how to grow closer to people in the midst of conflict. I’ve watched my parents demonstrate a marriage that I will use as a model for mine if I ever get married. Then more recently my older brother married a fabulous woman and I can’t wait to get even more pointers from them. So I wish my family were at the Kanakuk Institute? Well yes, but the reason why I say this is because we learned about marriage and relationships this past week at the Institute. As wonderful as I’ve seen marriage can be, I also see how difficult it is to mold two people’s lives into one. So after hearing a whole week of lessons on relationships and marriage here are five things I learned about marriage. 

1. Marriage is not for my own happiness. That is a lie of the world. Marriage is for the purpose of sanctification. Christ created marriage and it is to make us more like Christ. It is glimpse of the Trinity, a perfect, harmonious relationship filled with unconditional love. Our marriage needs to be covered in Christ.  

2. Don’t marry potential, marry proven. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Marriage is a covenant. The two become one flesh the Bible says. How can one flesh be separated back into two? Therefore I need to marry someone who is running after the Lord so when we meet up we can continue to run after the Lord together. 


3. Husbands and wives have different strengths and weaknesses. Husbands need to submit to their wife's strengths and protect her weaknesses. Wives submit to their husband's strengths and protect his weaknesses.  The goal is to balance each other and work together. 


4. Communication is a necessary part of marriage. Good communication takes place when we choose to make our primary goal understanding rather than being understood. Both husband and wife need to initiate conversation and listen intently. The conversations must go beyond surface level. Honesty in all areas. NO SECRETS! Yes, there will be tough conversations but working through them is way to become stronger as a couple.


5. Put your spouse before your children. Children need to see a marriage done right. Parents need to show kids how they should love and treat their future spouse. Also what it looks like to raise kids together. Never forget why you fell in love with your spouse. Take time for just the two of you, such as going on a walk, a weekend away, or a date night, because when the kids leave it's back to just you two. 


Next I decided to see what God had to say about marriages. 

In Genesis 24 Isaac marries Rebekah. One positive thing I see in this relationship is that God is sought before the relationship even begins. The servant, even though not searching for his own wife, still sees the importance in seeking God before seeking the woman for Isaac. The servant asks to take Rebekah back with him to meet Isaac. Rebekah is obedient and respectful. For me the response would have been, “Ok you bring Isaac here first to prove that he’s real and to see if we get along. I mean it is the rest of my life we are talking about!”  Rebekah trusts God that she is supposed to marry Isaac. Then Isaac also shows obedience and takes her as his wife.  Then when they realize Rebekah is barren they pray about it. They take their problems to the Lord. They eventually have two sons, twins. However there were negatives in their marriage. On a trip to Egypt Isaac lies and says Rebekah is his sister, to protect his life. The Pharaoh is not happy because he wanted to marry her. Also the Isaac and Rebekah play favorites. Esau is his father’s pride and joy and Jacob is the apple oaf his mother’s eye. God says to show no favoritism (Romans 2:11). 

So the moral of this story is to be truthful and have integrity in all situations, even when you think you are in a tough situation. Also love your kids equally. Kids are blessed with different talents and abilities, but a parent should show love to all their kids. Another lesson is pray for your spouse before you are married, even before you’ve met.  In a marriage I would want to copy Isaac and Rebekah by taking everything to God in prayer. Also they were on the same page in the obedience to marry one another. Being in agreement, in the important issues, with your spouse seems to be a essential idea.

Another marriage in the Bible is the one of Zacharias and Elizabeth in Luke 1. Luke 1:6 says, “They were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord”.  I pray that if I ever get married that this verse could also be said about me and my husband. They are also a childless couple and the Lord blessed them. Elizabeth praises the Lord when she finds out she is going to have a child. Then when Zacharias and Elizabeth finally have their son they are obedient in naming him John, despite the public’s opinion to name him Zacharias. However a negative to this marriage is that Zacharias did not believe the angel when he said that Zacharias and Elizabeth would have child. Therefore Zacharias becomes mute until his son is born 


From this story, I learned that people close to you will describe and remember your marriage. A healthy, godly marriage leaves an impact. Also that the Lord is ultimately in control if you have children or not, and that could be through either pregnancy or adoption. And lastly as a couple or an individual we must trust in the Almighty God, because there are consequences for unbelief. Remember God can restore.